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300 Funny Sex Quotes For Both Couples

300 Funny Sex Quotes For Both Couples

We love sex. We love to have it, we love to think about it, and we love to talk about it. And we aren’t alone. From poets to comedians, from business people to artists, sex is a topic that everyone can get excited about. That’s why we compiled this list of our favorite 300 Funny Sex Quotes For Both Couples .

300 Funny Sex Quotes :

 

  1. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.Joan Rivers

  2. An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.Edgar Wallace,

  3. Kissing – and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing – is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.Drew Barrymore

  4. An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.Aldous Huxley

  5. 300 Funny Sex Quotes 10
  6. Though the sex to which I belong is considered weak you will nevertheless find me a rock that bends to no wind.Elizabeth I

  7. Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.Woody Allen

  8. Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning.P. J. O'Rourke Click To Tweet
  9. I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.Mitch Hedberg

  10. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.Woody Allen

  11. Sex relieves tension – love causes it. ? Woody Allen

  12. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions. ? Woody Allen Click To Tweet
  13. You can be enticed by food, wooed by food, sex, money, or instruments.Bernie Worrell

  14. I wasn’t a sex symbol, I was a sex zombie.Veronica Lake,

  15. I think knowing people by first names, not by what they do sexually, is really what it’s about. Not being afraid. Fear is the enemy. I’ve always been comfortable with being gay.Herb Ritts,

  16. As a child I was taken to the pantomime or the theatre and I would always, always fall in love with somebody on the stage. And want to have sex with them. Ewan McGregor

  17. The rights of one sex, political and otherwise, are the same as those of the other sex, and this equality of rights ought to be fully recognized. Leland Stanford

  18. I want, in this school, that one sex shall have equal advantage with the other, and I want particularly that females shall have open to them every employment suitable to their sex. Leland Stanford,

  19. When I sing, I feel like when you’re first in love. It’s more than sex. It’s that point two people can get to they call love, when you really touch someone for the first time, but it’s gigantic, multiplied by the whole audience. I feel chills. Janis Joplin,

  20. I’ve talked about sex a great deal in my music for a great while now. I feel very comfortable with it. Janet Jackson,

  21. I think it’s been a little difficult at times for the audience, because they’ve told me they see me as a family member. So to see your little sister sing about sex… I think they are pretty used to it now. Janet Jackson

  22. I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn’t love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression. Albert Ellis

  23. I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty. John Waters Click To Tweet
  24. It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.George Burns,

  25. How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican. Will Durst

  26. I think I had a more European outlook about the body and sex. The body is in no way dirty, and sex is something beautiful to give to and share with a lover. It has nothing to do with promiscuity, because I only believe in being in love with one man at a time. Dorothy Stratten

  27. I really think that sex always looks kind of funny in a movie. William Friedkin, director Click To Tweet
  28.  Sex is funny and love is serious. Stephan Jenkins, musician

  29. I think Secretary’s funny, it is about sex, and there’s a lot of sex in it, sex is the key, but you’re talking about a lot of other complicated things. Maggie Gyllenhaal

  30. Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it’s the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it. Florence King, writer

  31. I feel a lot healthier when I’m having sex. Physically. I feel all these jitters when I wake up in the morning. Just energy jitters. I take vitamins, I work out every day. When I’m having sex, I don’t have that. Alyssa Milano, actress

  32. Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing, because I talk about movement, about looking good, about taking risks. Ruth Westheimer, psychologist

  33. The best kind of kinky sex is to have kinky sex with your wife or husband, the person you love. Frank Langella, actor

  34. To me, a sex scene in a movie generally means a gratuitous scene that doesn’t serve the story but gives a kind of excuse – we’ve got these two actors, we want to see them naked, so let’s bring in the music and the soft light.Joseph Gordon-Levitt, actor

  35. Every time I’ve done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there’s always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they’re just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that. Aziz Ansari, comedian

  36. I’m kind of a good girl – and I’m not. I’m a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect. I’m a bad girl because I like to tease. I know that I have sex appeal in my deck of cards. But I like to get people thinking. That’s what the stories in my music do.Katy Perry, musician

  37. I really think that sex always looks kind of funny in a movie.William Friedkin, director

  38. Emancipation from every kind of bondage is my principle. I go for recognition of human rights, without distinction of sect, party, sex, or color. Ernestine L. Rose, Click To Tweet
  39. It’s one of those scenarios where no, I never imagined that I’d be directed in a love scene – not even a love scene because it’s kind of a hard-core sex scene because it’s kind of just purely played for this carnal venting.Thomas Haden Church, actor

  40. Sex in the City was a different kind of phenomenon because of the show itself is a phenomenon and to me that’s successful because to resonate with women across the board for six years and have only one African-American actor pass through for one episode.Blair Underwood, actor

  41. I think that the enormous emphasis on violence and sex, and in particular violent sex, may not make rapists of us all, but it predisposes us to accept a kind of world in which these things happen.Alexander Walker, businessman

  42. Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. Robert A. Heinlein

  43. I do earnestly wish to see the distinction of sex confounded in society, unless where love animates the behaviour. Mary Wollstonecraft, writer

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  45. Sex is like washing your face – just something you do because you have to. Sex without love is absolutely ridiculous. Sex follows love, it never precedes it. Sophia Loren, actress

  46. I love tackling, love it. It's better than sex.Paul Ince Click To Tweet
  47. And I think maybe all women, if they just had a chance, would be romantic and believe in love and not sex. And men believe in sex and not love. Beatrice Wood, artist

  48. I’m also interested in the modern suggestion that you can have a combination of love and sex in a marriage – which no previous society has ever believed. Alain de Botton, writer

  49. Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top. Jimmy Dean, singer

  50. Love without sex is still the most efficient form of hell known to man. Peter Porter, soldier

More 300 Funny Sex Quotes :

 

  1. Every theory of love, from Plato down, teaches that each individual loves in the other sex what he lacks in himself. G. Stanley Hall, psychologist

  2. The best kind of kinky sex is to have kinky sex with your wife or husband, the person you love. Frank Langella, actor

  3. It’s about giving the people what they want. So many people have told me that they’ve made love to my records so what I’ve delivered this time is an album about sex. Pretty much every song has that theme. Straight no chasers, it’s booty music! Tyrese Gibson, actor

  4. Sex is the best high. It’s better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good. Bai Ling, actress

  5. I’m kind of a good girl – and I’m not. I’m a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect. I’m a bad girl because I like to tease. I know that I have sex appeal in my deck of cards. But I like to get people thinking. That’s what the stories in my music do. Katy Perry, musician

  6. In life, you have people that love to party. That’s me. People that love God. That’s me. People that love sex. That’s me. People that love people. That’s me. And people that make mistakes.That’s me also. R. Kelly, musician

  7. I love to sing. Mostly about love and sex. Elizabeth Berkley, actress Click To Tweet
  8. It’s wonderful to be in love. And it’s definitely wonderful to cuddle and have sex and get to experience life with somebody. But it’s OK if you don’t find him and you’re 24. You can find it someday. Leighton Meester, actress

  9. Love ain’t nothing but sex misspelled. Harlan Ellison, writer

  10. I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love. Joan Crawford, actress

  11. Women who love women are Lesbians. Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define Lesbian as sex between women. Rita Mae Brown, writer

  12. Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go. Kingsley Amis, novelist Click To Tweet
  13. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.Joan Rivers, comedian

  14. I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life. Mitch Hedberg, comedian

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  16. Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.Havelock Ellis, psychologist

  17. I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. Erma Bombeck

  18. Sex and beauty are inseparable, like life and consciousness. And the intelligence which goes with sex and beauty, and arises out of sex and beauty, is intuition. D. H. Lawrence

  19. The omnipresent process of sex, as it is woven into the whole texture of our man’s or woman’s body, is the pattern of all the process of our life. Havelock Ellis, psychologist

  20. It is not in giving life but in risking life that man is raised above the animal; that is why superiority has been accorded in humanity not to the sex that brings forth but to that which kills. Simone de Beauvoir, writer

  21. In life, you have people that love to party. That’s me. People that love God. That’s me. People that love sex. That’s me. People that love people. That’s me. And people that make mistakes.That’s me also. R. Kelly, musician

  22. It’s wonderful to be in love. And it’s definitely wonderful to cuddle and have sex and get to experience life with somebody. But it’s OK if you don’t find him and you’re 24. You can find it someday. Leighton Meester, actress

  23. Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round. David Lodge, author

  24. Sex, a great and mysterious motive force in human life, has indisputably been a subject of absorbing interest to mankind through the ages. William J. Brennan, Jr., judge

  25. If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all. Rodney Dangerfield, comedian

  26. The women’s movement hasn’t changed my sex life. It wouldn’t dare. Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress

  27. Sex? Unfortunately, as you get older – and I shouldn’t admit this – there are other things that become more important in your daily life. Alex Trebek, entertainer

  28. Sex is the gateway to life. Frank Harris, author

  29. I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. Woody Allen, director

  30. Therefore, sins of sex are punished in this life to a greater degree than some other sins. Walter Lang, director

  31. Chasing the sensation. Whether it was drugs or sex or whatever. Those things had become my main focus in life. Rick Allen, drummer

  32. Sex is not only the basis of life, it is the reason for life. Norman Lindsay, artist Click To Tweet
  33. The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, – except on Sex and the City they always make it better or worse than real life and I am actually saying that in a joking way. Candace Bushnell, writer

  34. Kissing – and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing – is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down. Drew Barrymore, actress

 

  1. Basically, there’s not enough sex in movies, that’s it. I’m trying to say it, people. I miss sex in movies because sex is natural, guns are not. Zoe Saldana, actress

  2. Because some people have sex with people of the same sex, an entire culture has been created, broadly speaking, out of oppression. Which in a rational world would not be an issue. Neil Tennant, musician

  3. Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got. Sophia Loren, actress

  4. People generally have sex fairly young, and probably younger than they should be having it. Steve Carell, actor Click To Tweet
  5. As the bull market goes on, people who take great risks achieve great rewards, seemingly without punishment. It’s like crime without punishment or sex without sin.Ron Chernow, author

  6. It’s about giving the people what they want. So many people have told me that they’ve made love to my records so what I’ve delivered this time is an album about sex. Pretty much every song has that theme. Straight no chasers, it’s booty music! Tyrese Gibson, actor

  7. People will always choose more money over more sex. Doug Coupland, author

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  9. My mom is going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But I don’t want to put myself in the position where I’m in a monogamous relationship right now. I’m not dating just one person. ‘Sex and the City’ changed everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people. Lindsay Lohan, actress

  10. I’m kind of a good girl – and I’m not. I’m a good girl because I really believe in love, integrity, and respect. I’m a bad girl because I like to tease. I know that I have sex appeal in my deck of cards. But I like to get people thinking. That’s what the stories in my music do. Katy Perry, musician

  11. I would argue that we have a generation of young people, particularly minorities, who are no longer putting up with the kinds of things their parents put up with. They’re much more self-confident. It’s no longer acceptable to make fun of people because of race or sex. But it has always been present in American society. Donna Shalala, public servant

  12. In life, you have people that love to party. That’s me. People that love God. That’s me. People that love sex. That’s me. People that love people. That’s me. And people that make mistakes.That’s me also. R. Kelly, musician

  13. In singing, there’s a vibration that comes from deep down inside, literally from your sex. When you put out that vibration, people can feel it. Billie Holiday does it. Peggy Lee does it. It’s very hot.Elizabeth Berkley, actress

  14. People’s sex habits are as well known in Hollywood as their political opinions, and much less criticized.Ben Hecht, writer

  15. Sex is a natural function. You can’t make it happen, but you can teach people to let it happen.William Masters, scientist

  16. I believe in using words, not fists. I believe in my outrage knowing people are living in boxes on the street. I believe in honesty. I believe in a good time. I believe in good food. I believe in sex.Bertrand Russell, philosopher

  17. Just because society, and government, and whatever was different 100 years ago, doesn’t mean that people didn’t have sex, pick their nose, or swear. Kate Winslet, actress

  18. People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife. Craig Kilborn, entertainer

  19. Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion, children must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful. Margaret Mead, scientist

  20. The whole point of a sacrifice is that you give up something you never really wanted in the first place. People are doing it around you all the time. They give up their careers, say – or their beliefs – or sex. John Osborne, playwright

  21. I’m also interested in the modern suggestion that you can have a combination of love and sex in a marriage – which no previous society has ever believed. Alain de Botton, writer

  22. I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26. Jimmy Carr, comedian Click To Tweet
  23. I only gave out my opinion that same sex marriage is against the law of God. Manny Pacquiao, athlete

  24. A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn’t want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. W. Somerset Maugham, playwright

  25. Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying ‘You gave me the wrong key! Anais Nin, author

  26. A mutual and satisfied sexual act is of great benefit to the average woman, the magnetism of it is health giving. When it is not desired on the part of the woman and she has no response, it should not take place. This is an act of prostitution and is degrading to the woman’s finer sensibility, all the marriage certificates on earth to the contrary notwithstanding. Margaret Sanger, activist

  27. Provincial governments in Canada have terminated the positions of marriage commissioners who have, for personal religious convictions, not performed same sex marriages. It has happened in Saskatchewan. Stockwell Day, politician

  28. Bishop Frederick Henry of Calgary is facing at least two official objections to his public statements along with expensive hearings before the Alberta Human Rights Commission for expressing his biblical views on same sex marriage. Stockwell Day, politician

  29. Any sex outside of the marriage bond between a man and a woman is violating God's law. Jerry Falwell, clergyman Click To Tweet
  30. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. Joan Rivers, comedian

  31. Some people are better imagined in one’s bed than found there in the morning. P. J. O’Rourke, comedian

  32. I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life. Mitch Hedberg, comedian

  33. Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx, comedian

  34. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. Steve Martin, comedian Click To Tweet
  35. I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. Johnny Carson, comedian

  36. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. George Burns, comedian

  37. Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch! George Burns, comedian

  38. Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. Steve Martin, comedian

  39. According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.Jay Leno, comedian

  40. My wife is a sex object – every time I ask for sex, she objects. Les Dawson, comedian

  41. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.Rodney Dangerfield, comedian

  42. Kids. They’re not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. Bill Maher, comedian

  43. Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show. Fanny Brice, comedian Click To Tweet
  44. If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.Rodney Dangerfield, comedian

  45. Sex is two plus two making five, rather than four. Sex is the X ingredient that you can’t define, and it’s that X ingredient between two people that make both a man and a woman good in bed. It’s all relative. There are no rules. Marty Feldman, comedian

  46. Every time I’ve done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there’s always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they’re just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.Aziz Ansari, comedian

  47. In my day we didn’t have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.Victoria Wood, comedian

  48. I was a Christian. I didn’t want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.Jimmy Carr, comedian

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  50. It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.George Burns, comedian

  51. Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex. Havelock Ellis, psychologist

  52. Men are actually the weaker sex. George Weinberg, psychologist Click To Tweet

 

More 300 Funny Sex Quotes :

  1. The omnipresent process of sex, as it is woven into the whole texture of our man’s or woman’s body, is the pattern of all the process of our life.Havelock Ellis, psychologist

  2. Every theory of love, from Plato down, teaches that each individual loves in the other sex what he lacks in himself. G. Stanley Hall, psychologist

  3. If every time you engage in a sex act, you go into a confession box, you will never accept your own sexuality. George Weinberg, psychologist

  4. We must reckon with the possibility that something in the nature of the sexual instinct itself is unfavorable to the realization of complete satisfaction. Sigmund Freud,

  5. Sexual love is undoubtedly one of the chief things in life, and the union of mental and bodily satisfaction in the enjoyment of love is one of its culminating peaks. Apart from a few queer fanatics, all the world knows this and conducts its life accordingly; science alone is too delicate to admit it . Sigmund Freud,

  6.  The pleasure of living and the pleasure of the orgasm are identical. Extreme orgasm anxiety forms the basis of the general fear of life. Wilhelm Reich, psychologist

  7. Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing, because I talk about movement, about looking good, about taking risks. Ruth Westheimer, psychologist

  8. One of the problems with sex education… is that it also strips kids – especially girls – of their modesty to have every detail of anatomy, physiology and condom usage made explicit. James Dobson, psychologist

  9. A geometry implies the heterogeneity of locus, namely that there is a locus of the Other. Regarding this locus of the Other, of one sex as Other, as absolute Other, what does the most recent development in topology allow us to posit?Jacques Lacan, psychologist

  10. I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn’t love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression. Albert Ellis, psychologist

  11. The only person I've had sex with on Jersey Shore is my boyfriend. Nicole Polizzi, celebrity Click To Tweet
  12. I know it does make people happy, but to me it is just like having a cup of tea. Cynthia Payne, celebrity

  13. I have been celibate for about six or seven months, I think. I would rather just make out and kiss someone instead of sex. I’m single. I said I would be single for a year and I am. Paris Hilton, celebrity

  14. The guys you see me bring home, we’re only cuddling and making out like any other person would do, but we’re on camera and the whole world’s seeing it, and it does look like I’m having sex. Nicole Polizzi, celebrity

  15. I think I had a more European outlook about the body and sex. The body is in no way dirty, and sex is something beautiful to give to and share with a lover. It has nothing to do with promiscuity, because I only believe in being in love with one man at a time. Dorothy Stratten, celebrity

  16. When I interview celebrities, I always try to throw them off balance. My favorite is to ask ’em about crazy sex stuff like donkey punches and Monroe transfers. Works every time. Rachel Perry, celebrity

  17. It’s amazing to me that people have any interest in such a low-level sex scandal. If I were sleeping with a congressman, maybe, but I’m a nobody and the people I’m writing about are nobodies. Jessica Cutler, celebrity

  18. They'll totally hire me if I say I got fired from my job on the Hill because of a sex scandal. Jessica Cutler, celebrity Click To Tweet
  19. I’m a sexually liberated woman that earned that liberation. I am very proud of the fact that I feel comfortable in certain forums discussing sex. Gennifer Flowers, celebrity

  20. Gay sex is a veritable breeding ground for disease. Rod Parsley, celebrity

  21. 300 Funny Sex Quotes 5
  22. Women are more likely to have sex and fall in love, which can be tough because that’s not the way men work. Rachel Perry, celebrity

  23. If we know we're just going to have sex and then ditch the guy, it can be fun. Rachel Perry, celebrity Click To Tweet
  24. You’ve got to have a sense of humour about sex. When you look at it, it’s all pretty ridiculous, isn’t it?Cat Deeley, celebrity

  25. My biographer said that my parties reminded them of a vicarage tea party, with sex thrown in.Cynthia Payne, celebrity

  26. If men want sex they’ll find it. Cynthia Payne, celebrity

  27. Galvanised into action by the second trial, I was determined to change Britain’s archaic sex laws. Cynthia Payne, celebrity

  28. I used to be super trendy and totally sexy. But I look back now and I used to want everything short and low cut and you really can’t do it all. Kim Kardashian, celebrity

  29. The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It’s that they stay out all night looking for it. Casey Stengel, athlete

  30. Everyone knows me and my wife’s story. We didn’t have sex until we got married. Shaun Alexander, athlete

  31. I only gave out my opinion that same sex marriage is against the law of God. Manny Pacquiao, athlete

  32. Hitting is better than sex. Reggie Jackson, athlete

  33. The real story is that I had unprotected sex. That’s that. That’s easy. Magic Johnson, athlete

  34. Yes, exercise is the catalyst. That’s what makes everything happen: your digestion, your elimination, your sex life, your skin, hair, everything about you depends on circulation. And how do you increase circulation? Jack LaLanne, athlete

  35. But the point of using the number was to show that sex was a great part of my life as basketball was a great part of my life. That’s the reason why I was single. Wilt Chamberlain, athlete

  36. Sex is energy. Beatrice Wood, artist

  37. And I think maybe all women, if they just had a chance, would be romantic and believe in love and not sex. And men believe in sex and not love. Beatrice Wood, artist

  38. Love and sex can go together and sex and unlove can go together and love and unsex can go together. But personal love and personal sex is bad. Andy Warhol, artist

  39. Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets. Andy Warhol, artist

  40. The only burning passion I’m sure I have, is the passion for sex. Robert Crumb, artist

  41. Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is very exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet. Andy Warhol, artist

  42. Sex is not only the basis of life, it is the reason for life. Norman Lindsay, artist

  43. To me, sex is sex and I don’t think it is or should be a problem. Maybe my presenting it that way will unscrew up a few heads out there, including my own. Jaime Hernandez, artist

  44. 300 Funny Sex Quotes 4
  45. You know, God, the power that makes life, whatever it is, had just to make two things, masculine and feminine, for all this mischief. And made them so there is this entirely different point of view about love and sex. Beatrice Wood, artist

  46. The question of sex will take care of itself. Helen Frankenthaler, artist Click To Tweet
  47. Of the opposite sex, I have the moustache and, in general, the face. Frida Kahlo, artist

  48. We must reckon with the possibility that something in the nature of the sexual instinct itself is unfavorable to the realization of complete satisfaction. Sigmund Freud, psychologist

  49. Sexual love is undoubtedly one of the chief things in life, and the union of mental and bodily satisfaction in the enjoyment of love is one of its culminating peaks. Apart from a few queer fanatics, all the world knows this and conducts its life accordingly; science alone is too delicate to admit it. Sigmund Freud, psychologist

  50. Sexuality poorly repressed unsettles some families; well repressed, it unsettles the whole world. Karl Kraus, writer Click To Tweet

More 300 Funny Sex Quotes :

 

  1. Sex education is legitimate in that girls cannot be taught soon enough how children don .Karl Kraus, writer

  2. The pleasure of living and the pleasure of the orgasm are identical. Extreme orgasm anxiety forms the basis of the general fear of life. Wilhelm Reich, psychologist

  3. Fay has spirituality too, but she also has that very real sex appeal that takes hold of the hearts of men. Erich von Stroheim, actor

  4. When I attained a certain advanced intimacy with a man, and I don’t just mean sex, I married him. Hedy Lamarr, actress

  5. Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room. Doug Coupland, author

  6. For those for whom the sex act has come to seem mechanical and merely the meeting and manipulation of body parts, there often remains a hunger which can be called metaphysical but which is not recognized as such, and which seeks satisfaction in physical danger, or sometimes in torture, suicide, or murder. Marshall McLuhan, philosopher

  7. People will always choose more money over more sex. Doug Coupland, author

  8. I’m such a private person, and sexuality is such a private thing. A sex scene is much harder than a fight scene. It’s one thing to say, ‘Kick higher,’ but ‘Kiss harder’ – that’s just crazy. Carrie-Anne Moss, actress

  9. Storms are sex. They exist alongside and are indifferent to words and description and dissection. Kevin Patterson, writer

  10. People are like, ‘Well, she doesn’t know the Sex Pistols.’ Why would I know that stuff? Look how young I am. That stuff’s old, right? Avril Lavigne, musician

  11. I think I had a more European outlook about the body and sex. The body is in no way dirty, and sex is something beautiful to give to and share with a lover. It has nothing to do with promiscuity, because I only believe in being in love with one man at a time. Dorothy Stratten, celebrity

  12. When I interview celebrities, I always try to throw them off balance. My favorite is to ask ’em about crazy sex stuff like donkey punches and Monroe transfers. Works every time. Rachel Perry, celebrity

  13. Sex and excretion are reminders that anyone’s claim to round-the-clock dignity is tenuous. The so-called rational animal has a desperate drive to pair up and moan and writhe. Steven Pinker, scientist

  14. Provincial governments in Canada have terminated the positions of marriage commissioners who have, for personal religious convictions, not performed same sex marriages. It has happened in Saskatchewan. Stockwell Day, politician

  15. They are uncomfortable talking about sex because they don’t want people to think they know about it. Sue Johanson, writer

  16. Kids and adults have sex for many, many reasons… Put out a question box. Sue Johanson, write

  17. If you can’t laugh about sex, you shouldn’t be doing it. Sue Johanson, writer

  18. Americans are a decade behind Canada when it comes to sex education and understanding their bodies. Sue Johanson, writer

  19. Sex, sexual dynamics and how we define our sexuality, is one of the major deals in everyone’s life. Molly Parker, actress

  20. I decided law was the exact opposite of sex; even when it was good, it was lousy. Mortimer Zuckerman, publisher

  21. Sex is like washing your face – just something you do because you have to. Sex without love is absolutely ridiculous. Sex follows love, it never precedes it. Sophia Loren, actress

  22. Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got. Sophia Loren, actress Click To Tweet
  23. Sex appeal is fifty percent what you Sophia Loren, actress

  24. You have to be born a sex symbol. You don’t become one. If you’re born with it, you’ll have it even when you’re 100 years old. Sophia Loren, actress

  25. People’s attitudes about sex aren’t healthy anywhere, except maybe in those tribes where they go around naked. Asia Argento, actress

  26. On a hanger, no dress is sexy. It’s just fabric on a hanger. Donatella Versace, fashion designer

  27. In fashion, only sexy won’t go out of fashion. Donatella Versace

  28. For once you must try not to shirk the facts: mankind is kept alive by bestial acts. Bertolt Brecht, poet

  29. Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included. Karl Marx, economist

  30. I feel that I, and the people under my command, tried to use all the traditional methods of recruiting agents which were also used by other intelligence services; adopting also means like pressure, money, sex – but that did not characterize my service. Markus Wolf, public servant

  31. Interview with a Vampire was lots of sex, so I'm not sure.Uwe Boll Click To Tweet
  32. Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex. Karl Marx

  33. I wish I had invented blue jeans. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity – all I hope for in my clothes. Yves Saint Laurent, designer

  34. 300 Funny Sex Quotes 3
  35. It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge. Voltaire

  36. Of all the sexual aberrations, perhaps the most peculiar is chastity. Remy De Gourmont, novelist

  37. Neither sex, without some fertilization of the complimentary characters of the other, is capable of the highest reaches of human endeavor. Jean-Paul Sartre, philosopher

  38. “Sex” is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other. Marquis De Sade, novelist

  39. Sex pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken. Simone de Beauvoir, writer

  40. “It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that it’s work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.” — Amy Schumer

  41. “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” ? Mae West

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  43. “If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.” ? Dorothy Parker

  44. “Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.” — Lisa Lampanelli

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  46. “I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” — Chelsea Handler

  47. “Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.” ? Suze Orman

  48. “My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don’t have sex—ever. Now that the milk is free, we’ve both become lactose intolerant.” — Margaret Cho

  49. “I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.” –– Russell Brand

  50. “Publishing a sophisticated men’s magazine seemed to me the best possible way of fulfilling a dream I’d been nurturing ever since I was a teenager: to get laid a lot.” –– Hugh Hefner

 

More 300 Funny Sex Quotes :

  1. “Skiing is better than sex actually, because for me a good round of sex might be seven minutes. Skiing you can do for seven hours.” –– Spalding Gray

  2. “If I’m not interested in a woman, I’m straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, ‘I can’t do this anymore. Thanks for coming over!’” –– Vince Vaughn

  3. “It’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” –– Joan Rivers

  4. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” –– Frank Zappa

  5. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” –– Billy Crystal

  6. “Is one expected to be a gentleman when one is stiff?” –– Marquis de Sade

  7. “I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses.” ? Oscar Wilde

  8. “Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.” — Sophia Loren

  9. “Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.” — W. C. Fields

  10. “An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex”. — Aldous Huxley

  11. “Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.” — Robert A. Heinlein

  12. “Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.” — James A. Baldwin

  13. “There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.” — Billy Joel

  14. “Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” — John Barrymore

  15. “When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better. ” ? Mae West

  16. “There are four basic human needs; food, sleep, sex and revenge.” — Banksy

  17. “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” — George Bernard Shaw

  18. “Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it’s more sanitary.” — Robert A. Heinlein

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  20. “What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience, is sexual intercourse.” — Henry Miller

  21. “The best revenge, like the best sex, is performed slowly, and with the eyes open.” — Gregory David Roberts

  22. “Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.” — John Callahan

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  24. “Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.” ? Richard Feynman

  25. “To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth — I count that something of a miracle.” –– Henry Miller

  26. “I am not saying renounce sex, I am saying transform it. It need not remain just biological: bring some spirituality to it. While making love, meditate too. While making love, be prayerful. Love should not be just a physical act; pour your soul into it.” –– Osho

  27. “The sexual embrace can only be compared with music and with prayer.” –– Marcus Aurelius

  28. “Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go.” — Kingsley Amis

  29. “Sex is emotion in motion.” — Mae West Click To Tweet
  30. “Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.” — Jimmy Dean

  31. “Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” ? Hunter S. Thompson

  32. “A gentleman holds my hand. A man pulls my hair. A soulmate will do both.” — Alessandra Torre

  33. “Nobody dies from the lack of sex. It’s lack of love we die from.” — Margaret Atwood

  34. “I have always been principally interested in men for sex. I’ve always thought any sane woman would be a lover of women because loving men is such a mess. I have always wished I’d fall in love with a woman. Damn.” –– Germaine Greer

  35. “Homosexuality is God’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children.”–– Sam Austin

  36. “Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea. Understand that your morality is not law. Understand that we are you.” — Derek Jarman

  37. “I confused gender identity with sexual orientation. Your gender identity is about who you are, how you feel, the sex that you feel yourself to be. Sexual orientation is who you’re attracted to.” — Chaz Bono

  38. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” –– Oscar Wilde Click To Tweet
  39. “Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” –– Deepak Chopra

  40. “Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk — real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.” –– Jack Kerouac

  41. “The way you make love is the way God will be with you.” –– Rumi

  42. “We demand that sex speak the truth […] and we demand that it tell us our truth, or rather, the deeply buried truth of that truth about ourselves which we think we possess in our immediate consciousness.” –– Michel Foucault

  43. “When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience.” — Jim Morrison

  44. “The major civilizing force in the world is not religion, it is sex.” — Hugh Hefner

  45. “Sex is about anticipation not culmination.” ? Chloe Thurlow Click To Tweet
  46. “Everybody says sex is obscene. The only true obscenity is war.” — Henry Miller

  47. “Sex is a big question mark. It is something people will talk about forever.” — Catherine Deneuve

  48. “Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.” –– Marilyn Monroe

  49. 300 Funny Sex Quotes 2
More 300 Funny Sex Quotes :

 

  1. “Sex is… perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings because we are all sexual?” –– Sue Johanson

  2. “Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.” –– Havelock Ellis

  3. “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.” –– Swami X

  4. “Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.” –– Marquis de Sade

  5. “I think it is funny that we were freer about sexuality in the 4th century B.C. It is a little disconcerting.” –– Angelina Jolie

  6. “The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.” –– Alfred Kinsey

  7. “My sexuality is not an inferior trait that needs to be chaperoned by emotionalism or morality.”–– Alice Bag

  8. “Sex is the driving force on the planet. We should embrace it, not see it as the enemy.” — Hugh Hefner

  9. “I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world.” — Angelina Jolie

  10. “Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female; it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus.” –– Garrison Keillor

  11. “Sex is a natural function. You can't make it happen, but you can teach people to let it happen.” — William Masters Click To Tweet
  12. “Sex is good. Everybody does it, and everybody should!” — Robbie Williams Click To Tweet
  13. “Sex is like money; only too much is enough.” — John Updike

  14. “Sex is a two-way treat.” — Franklin P. Jones

  15. “We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.” ? Marilyn Monroe

  16. “Sex: In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.” ? Marlene Dietrich

  17. “I live for sex. I celebrate it, and relish the electricity of it, with every fibre of my being. I can see no better reason for being alive.” ? Fiona Thrust

  18. “We don’t ask when people age out of singing, or eating ice cream; why would we stop making love?” ? Ashton Applewhite

  19. “And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It’s good for you.” — Kurt Vonnegut

  20. “Sex pretty much cures everything.” — Chuck Palahniuk

  21. “Sex is not only the basis of life, it is the reason for life.” — Norman Lindsay

  22. “No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor.” ? Betty Friedan

  23. “A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” –– Gloria Steinem

  24. “There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.” –– Audrey Hepburn

  25. “I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.” — Ogden Nash

  26. “Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man.” Mignon McLaughlin

  27. “Good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere.” — Helen Gurley Brown

  28. “A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.” ? Joan Rivers Click To Tweet
  29. “Don’t have sex with the windows open. Love may be blind but the neighbors aren’t.” –– Shawn Alff

  30. “It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.” –– George Burns

  31. “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” –– George Burns

  32. “Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookie.” — Alec Baldwin

  33. “If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.” — Rodney Dangerfield

  34. “Evolution has programmed our brains to find two things particularly interesting, and therefore memorable: jokes and sex – and especially, it seems, jokes about sex.” — Joshua Foer

  35. “I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.” — Mitch Hedberg

  36. “A man is basically as faithful as his options.” –– Chris Rock

  37. “Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.” — Billy Crystal

  38. “I am always looking for meaningful one night stands.” –– Dudley Moore

  39. “I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love.” — Joan Crawford

  40. “Don’t put off till tomorrow anyone you could be doing today.” — Emma Chase

  41. “Once you finish having sex, what is there to do but start over?” — Jarod Kintz

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